KEY WEST, FL — In a revelation that stunned both law enforcement and nuclear physicists, 68-year-old Earl McGowan of Monroe County was arrested Thursday after authorities discovered he had been powering his beachfront home with what appears to be a lost Cold War-era U.S. nuclear warhead.
According to federal investigators, the weapon — an unaccounted Mark 15 thermonuclear bomb — was believed to have been lost in a 1958 Air Force accident off the coast of Savannah, Georgia. Officials assumed it had sunk irretrievably into the Atlantic. Apparently, Rusty didn’t get that memo.
“I found it while diving for lobster in ’03,” McGowan told reporters from the back of a police cruiser. “Thing was just sittin’ there, hummin’ like an air conditioner. I figured, why not hook it up to the breaker box?”
Neighbors described McGowan’s home as “suspiciously self-sufficient,” noting that his lights never went out during hurricanes, and his backyard “glowed a little at night.”
“We thought it was them fancy LED tiki torches,” said neighbor Linda Perez. “Turns out it was nuclear fission.”
Forensic energy analysts were baffled at how McGowan managed to contain the radiation. Authorities say he housed the device in an “improvised bunker” built from cinder blocks, lead paint, and a disassembled pontoon boat. The contraption allegedly powered his refrigerator, TV, air conditioning, and a 1998 pinball machine named “Atomic Crush.”
The Department of Energy released a brief statement confirming that the bomb had been safely recovered and was “surprisingly well-maintained for something buried under a tiki bar.”
Meanwhile, McGowan faces multiple charges, including possession of unauthorized nuclear material and “extreme DIY electrical violations.”
When asked if he regretted his actions, McGowan shrugged:
“Power company wanted $400 a month. The nuke was free.”
